Fatherly Advice

Once we move on to the next stage of our lives, be it a job promotion or post graduate education or starting a family or turning 30, I'm confident that the issues most important to us in our adolescent and college years - silly regrets and random wishes and even our best memories - will simply be forgotten. With that in mind I thought I'd write down some pieces of advice I'd give to my kids if I had them right now, cause I probly wont even remember these things later on.

1. If you're going to make a bet for the first time ever, don't make a $60 bet with your older brother of two years on a Nike commercial that you only saw two times. Only two times man! you were only frickin 8 years old goddamit!

2. On the drive up to Berkeley, the 5 splits into two freeways: the I-5 and CA-99. Keep a HUGE eye out for this subtle intersection, b/c you're going to accidentally take the 99 without realizing it. Twice actually. and the second time will happen as you're giving advice to your friends about avoiding the 99.

3. You should get in a fight before you're 18. There's less chance that you'll get legally reprimanded for fighting. More importantly, there's a lot less chance that the guy might have a knife or something that will kill you. Yet, you can still say you've been in a fight to impress them ladies. I think you should give yourself a small scratch to form a manly battle scar.

4. Don't be friends first if you're trying to get a girl to like you. You'll end up on the friend ladder. See http://www.laddertheory.com/ladderconstruction.htm for more information.

5. Daughter, if you're a girl, please don't be a ho!

6. Son, give your younger brother his $60 back. No gambling in this house.

7. You must must must must must must must must must must study abroad or work abroad or travel abroad for an extended period of time. Yes I know, America is the world, but the world is not America, so Go Go Go!

8. You don't ever have to hesitate to tell me how much you love me, or how I mean the world to you and that I'm the world's greatest Dad. C'mon. Let's hear it.

9. I love you.

10. You're welcome for the big package, son. Your granddaddy gave it to me and now I've passed it on to you.

So the last one isn't actually advice, but whatever.