Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Blackout

Blacking out is something that I think that everyone should experience once in their lifetimes. I think its just so amazing how you can go through a whole night of fun and not remember anything, no matter how crazy you're acting. For some odd reason, I blackout a lot. I mean A LOT. I think it might almost number in the double digits. Anyway, I thought itd be fun to recount my best blackout stories in reverse chronological order.

1. Camping in Del Valle August 2009

Before: We're all playing Mafia and having a few beers. Then Steph and Eric start passing around this water bottles filled with JD and vodka. The first time I got the bottle, I took two huge ass swigs. And it was burning a lot, so i tried to kill the chaser in my hand - Ice cold Coors. Half an hour later, we're playing Fuck the Dealer, which I didn't even know how to play, and the alcohol has gone around a few more times, and I emptied a few more cans of beer. Blackout.

After: I wake up in the middle of the night, and my feet are cold as hell. For some reason, my socks are soaking wet. Also, I realize that I'm not even sleeping in my sleeping bag, I'm sleeping underneath it and the rocks on the ground have been digging into me and they hurt like a biotch. I take off my socks and get into the sleeping bag and knockout. I wake up in the morning next to Paul. I ask him, "Hey did we jump in the river last night or something? My socks were all wet last night," and he's like, "I don't think so." Haha, how could you not know if you jumped in a river? Or unless.... did you blackout too Paul?

What I hear happened in between: So after we all went to sleep, according to Diep, Emma got up in the middle of the night to sleepwalk. (It's great that she sleepwalks - I've always wanted to know someone who does that.) After she went to sleep, Diep and Elaine hear me get up and then see me peeing against the wall inside Elaine's tent. I pee against the front right wall. Oh, here's a schematic of the tent and our sleeping bag positions so you have a better idea:



So as you can imagine, based on the map above, as I peed onto the wall, the piss flowed down and created a big puddle in that corner. My socks absorbed a lot of it, but even worse, Emma's sleeping bag was supposedly drenched in it. Afterward, Diep and Elaine cleaned up the rest of the uh yellow liquid stuff. Oh and they had to wake up Emma and tell her she had been pissed on. Meanwhile, Paul and I were both knocked out hardcore. Diep, Elaine, and specially Emma: My deepest, sincerest apologies.

2. Clubbing in Vegas
March 2009

Before: I'm with Paul and Medford and our vietnamese friends (as Diep always refers to them) at Encore to go to club XS. Oh wait, just a few hours earlier, we had drank Fat Tuesdays, which are yard long tube drinks with about 7 shots. Actually, Paul drank two and went crazy. He went around the pool talking to every person he passed by, and hollered at like 40 girls. haha. also, he met some girl who was super wasted too and they talking to each other, neither making sense, and their faces, lips to be more precise, were about an inch away from each other. Her friends pulled her away, and we pulled Paul away. Then he was yelling, "Whyd you guys pull me away, I was about to make out with her!!!" Now that I think about it, my bad man. So anyway, he gets over it in 3 minutes, and he's buying us drinks, and everyone starts buying everyone else drinks in rapid succession and I recall us just running around this huge club. There were so many people. Then I blackout.

After: I'm in the parking lot of Encore, and this security lady, I think she was on a bike or something, not sure, bikes,kinda look like legs when your drunk, is trying to stand me up. My knee hurts. She spends I dunno how long telling me that I'm drunk, while I tell her (I was probably yelling super loud) that I wasn't drunk at all, and that in fact that she's the one who's drunk. She walks me over to the taxi stand and gets me a cab to take me back to Excalibur. What a nice lady, I was thinking the next day how much it sucks to have to put up with drunk ass idiots kinda like myself. Anyway, I'm in the cab, dunno what I was talking about with the taxi cab driver, but it was really fun. I think it was about strip clubs, not sure. Man, he was so cool. I get back to my hotel room, and when I open the door, all of my friends are waiting inside, still dressed up and they turn to me, "Where the fuck were you Josh?" Sadly, blacking out makes answering that question very hard. A few days later, one of my friends, who had met us at the club separately, randomly gives me a hundred dollar bill during a class lecture.

What I hear happened in between: This is pretty simple: a lot of running around, some dancing i think. Oh so my friend says I forced her to take my hundred dollar bill to buy drinks or something. She said she was trying not to take it but then got scared that I'd give it to some random stranger so she took it and said she'd return it the next time she saw me. A little later on, we're all together in our group, and I disappear in a split second and they're all looking for me all over the place and cant find me for a long time, so they give up and head back to Excalibur. DAmn I feel so bad for being so troublesome. And I still don't know how I hurt my knee.

3. Clubbing in Singapore
December 2007

Before: Cliff and I are in HK studying abroad, and we spend a weekend visiting Leneve in Singapore. We go out with her and her friends to the Butter Factory, a pretty cool club in a really cool nightlife area. We had bottle service and started drinking uh vodka and a lot of other stuff i think. Anyway, Lenny and her friends are girls, so of course they're all weaksauce. But somehow, they were champs that night. Anyway, we're all dancing and I was feeling perfectly fine until I black out.

After: I wake up in someone's bed back at Leneve's apartment. I'm wearing my beater, which I had on under my polo the night before, which is ok, but then I realize I'm wearing my Harry Potter T-shirt I had on during the previous day as my pants. WTF? I step into the living room, and this girl comes in through the front door and says to me, "Oh my god, you were so funny last night." What the hell, who are you? I don't recognize her at all. Not one bit. I just said, "Oh thanks" haha and I think I'm kinda cool cause its always cool to make a good first impression, right? A few people pass by and tell me I was a lotta fun. I met these people?

What I hear happened in between: Its been a while since this happened, so I can't remember everything that Cliff says I did. I do remember this: The whole group, including a lotta people I didn't meet at the club cause they were dancing separately or in some other room or something, decides to get a midnight snack in the outdoor Hawker centers that are so common in Singapore. We're eating at the restaurant (wow I really can't believe I could not remember EATING food) and all of sudden, I stand up and start undoing my pants. I had to pee. Yes I know another pee story, but what could i do? I had to pee! So, I'm getting ready to whip it out and piss at the dining table in front of everyone and all over the food when Cliff pulled me away from the table and had me piss on a tree outside. Oh shoot I just remembered, Cliff said I was yelling at him all night. I dont know why I did or would want to, but Cliff, I'm sorry for that. Also, Leneve's friend was apparently holding me up/hugging me since I was stumbling around, and guarding me from anyone else who was trying to help hold me up. That was awfully nice I guess.

Gotta say thanks to my boy Cliff for taking care of me. Also, Leneve, I think that was your bed I slept on, so shout out to you too.

I act so irresponsibly when I black out, and i'm trying harder not to do that, but seriously its so hard to control. I swear I'm feeling just a bit tipsy and pretty under control, and outta no where I wake up in a different area. Well, those are some of my best/worst stories. Hope you enjoyed them. Again, I'm sorry for the trouble.

On a side note, I'm really into the song "Brand New" at the end of Drake's album. I don't listen to lyrics too often but this ones been on my mind. Also, LMFAO's "Yes" is really really catchy. Really.

7 comments:

  1. LOL! I love your diagram. I've never blacked out but I think it might be a little dangerous if I did. Oh, it is Paul who coined those friends as your "Vietnamese friends."

    ReplyDelete
  2. all i really have to say is:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

    ReplyDelete
  3. DUDE!!!! I was reading this in a Starbucks in NYC... and I looked like such an idiot because I just KEPT laughing. Shoot, it made me ALLL depressed because I never got to share any of these Blackout experiences with you. Damn man, no worries. Your next blackout story will be in NYC. I'll make it happen.

    ReplyDelete
  4. josh your blog is so much better than all the others i've seen! teach me how to make cool diagrams!
    you're going to be very disappointed in my blog. no cool videos. no diagrams.
    i'm going to step it up.

    ReplyDelete
  5. wow. simply amazing josh. I think everyone should try to blackout more so they too can experience the wonders it holds

    ReplyDelete
  6. Haha, the schematic is amazing. You're doing Berkeley proud.

    ReplyDelete
  7. this so made my sunday! so actually, you slept in diana's bed (my roommate), and it was mary who helped you out. i didn't know u blacked out at the club but u were definitely having fun on the dance floor. i don't recall all the details, but after we put you in bed you woke up sometime later to put on your "pants" and go back to sleep. Haha...What a great end to the night.

    ReplyDelete